


If

by mtac_archivist



Category: NCIS
Genre: Drama, Episode Related, Established Relationship, Friendship, M/M, Not Episode Related, Not a Crossover
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-01-19
Updated: 2008-01-19
Packaged: 2019-03-02 11:20:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13317015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mtac_archivist/pseuds/mtac_archivist
Summary: Set a short while after Ex-File. Gibbs ponders something Ducky said to him.





	If

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Jessi, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [ MTAC](https://fanlore.org/wiki/MTAC), an archive of NCIS fanfiction which closed in 2017. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after August 2017. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator (and this work is still attached to the archivist account), please contact me using the e-mail address on [ the MTAC collection profile](http://www.archiveofourown.org/collections/mtac/profile)

_If you really love her; if you really care for her; if you really even like her enough to still be dating her, still be sleeping with her, still be letting her believe, still be giving her hope, then you will forgive her._

That's what Ducky had said.

Oh, he'd said a lot more too. But that had been the crux of it: If you love her, care for her, like her, you'll forgive her.

_After all, you forgave me for what I did._

_That was different._

_Was it?_

_How?_

_Why?_

He hadn't answered.

Not then.

Because he couldn't.

Oh, he knew.

He'd always known.

He'd just never said it.

Not in so many words.

Even now, he wasn't certain he could say it.

He wasn't certainly he _wanted_ to say it.

Saying it would change things.

Saying it would change so much.

Saying it would change _everything_.

_If you really love her; if you really care for her; if you really even like her enough to still be dating her, still be sleeping with her, still be letting her believe, still be giving her hope, then you will forgive her._

The words came again.

As did: _You forgave me_.

And he knew.

He didn’t really love her.

He didn't really care for her.

He didn't even really like her.

So he _couldn't_ forgive her.

"But I love you, Duck," he said.

He said the words aloud for the first time in thirty-two years.

"I love you. That's why I forgave you."

But suddenly saying the words aloud wasn't enough.

He _had_ to say them to Ducky.

He _wanted_ to say them to Ducky.

He _needed_ to say them to Ducky.

He picked up the phone.

But that wasn’t enough.

He drove to Reston.

"Jethro. What are you –"

"I love you, Duck." He silenced him.

Ducky smiled.

**SOME HOURS LATER**

"That's why isn't it? That's what you meant?"

"Yes, dearest. Now sleep."

He did.


End file.
